How Do You Solve a Problem Like Kamala?

by Jonathan Reisman

Mid-August brought the Perseid meteor showers, blueberries, and Jeoparody to my inbox.  JEOPARODY! was the annual Blueberry Festival musical this year, featuring almost 2 hours of maestro Gene Nichols’ sendups and some impressive pipes and musicianship from the Machias area community. I thoroughly enjoyed the dress rehearsal at Centre Street Congregational Church. Laughter is more essential than ever as the pressures of the Presidential election mount and the potential consequences make me wonder where I could move to if the United States is fundamentally transformed into a socialist DEI hellhole. As I pondered that unsettling migration, Kamala announced her anti-inflation policies would include price controls and confronting corporate greed. That led to the following:

How do you solve a problem like Kamala?

(With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein, the Sound of Music, and Maria/Julie Andrews for the Kamala comparison)

She climbs for free and was named VP

Her image doesn’t wear

She waltzes away from interviews

And whistles to be “fair”

Her votes and speeches never fail

To thoroughly curdle my hair

Watch her break ties in the Senate

She's always fake for starters

But her fakery is real

She's always fake for everything

That’s her real deal

I hate to have to say it

But I very firmly feel

Kamala’s not an asset to the country

I'd like to say a word… she seems to try

But Kamala… makes me… cry

How do you solve a problem like Kamala?

How do you catch a clown and pin her down?

How do you find a word that means Kamala?

A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the-wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay

And listen to all you say

When she was raised by Willie Brown’s hand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Kamala?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her I'm confused

Out of focus and bemused

And I never know exactly where I am

Unpredictable as weather

She's as flighty as a feather

She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

She'd out pester any pest

Drive a hornet from its nest

She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

She is gentle! She is wild!

She's a riddle! She's a child!

She's a headache! She's an angel!

She's a girl! (with apologies for defining gender)

How do you solve a problem like Kamala?

How do you catch a clown and pin it down?

How do you find a word that means Kamala?

A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay

And listen to all you say

When she was raised by Willie Brown’s hand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Kamala?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

https://youtu.be/45tZGDKhi2Y

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